JerryHobby.com

I have this friend who is always angry. I don't know why. She just sees everything in life as an obstacle. My guess is that she is unhappy with herself and this is her way of making it someone else's fault. After all, that is the American way ... everything is someone else's fault, right? But that's another discussion.

Anyway, I was thinking about this and noticed a similar behavior in my cats. I have three cats, all with different personalities. One cat, Snowy, has nothing to do with this story. The other two, Smokey and Tin-Tin, are the subjects of this story.

Smokey hates Tin-Tin. Smokey lived with me first and has never liked Tin-Tin being in the house. Smokey attacks Tin-Tin out of annoyance and out of fear. Smokey is definitely afraid of Tin-Tin, which is part of the problem. Smokey is definitely the bully in this relationship.

Tin-Tin minds his own business. He has his own places to sleep, has his own toys, etc. Tin-Tin was an only-cat before I adopted him. Tin-Tin just isn't interested in building a friendship with the other cats. No mutual licking. No play fighting. Nothing. He's easy going and low maintenance. (Actually he is high maintenance. But he does all the work himself. He grooms himself constantly.)

Tin-Tin is picked on by Smokey every day. He gets his hair ripped out, gets little holes in his nose, etc. They fight hard. Tin-Tin gets upset when this happens, but he lets it roll off. Tin-Tin, in spite of this, is a very happy cat. He is at ease in life no matter what. Sure he has his difficult moments, but he doesn't dwell in them. On the other hand, Smokey is the one who attacks Tin-Tin. Smokey is the bully. Smokey is the cat that's always unhappy. Whether Smokey wins or loses, it doesn't matter. Smokey is obsessed with Tin-Tin. Smokey has attached his happiness, or lack of it, to the presence of Tin-Tin.

In watching this, I learned that by attaching your happiness to the behavior of others, you have a great excuse to be unhappy AND you have no access to happiness. Our "American Way" of making everything someone else's fault may actually be the cause of unhappiness, depression, drug abuse, and more. If we could all just take responsibility for our own happiness, regardless of our circumstances, we would have access to happiness. Tin-Tin gets attacked, but Smokey is the one that's unhappy! Our happiness has nothing to do with the outside world. We create happiness in the viewpoint we create for ourselves. We blame the circumstances, we don't blame our assessment process. There's "what happened" and there's "what we made it mean". If we learn to appreciate "what happened" and take responsibility for "what we made it mean", then we have a recipe for personal responsibility and happiness.

That's my thought for today. If you don't like it ... it must be my fault. :-)